A Whisper Through A Megaphone.....

I did'nt include this during my time at Playworks because I was writing under pressure. There's the time limit to meet, the open atmosphere that gave me an impression of a reverse-claustrophobia, and I was 'watched' (By passer-bys).

In between writing and publishing my last entry I managed to squeeze some moments for both Mawar and Fuzzy. So there goes my BK treat down the drain. Fuzzy has decided to call it off and opted for the choco treat instead. When? That remains to be seen. As usual. Pity her that she's having pre-fever. Hopefully she recovers soon. It has been sometime since I last heard from Mawar. I was lucky enough that I caught her online yesterday. Good to know that she's okay. But apparently she's hating someone and I'm glad that someone's not me. Haha. Well, hope things will be cleared soon for her sake. Next month's our 19th birthday. 32 days and counting. I'm afraid I'm not able to be there in JB to celebrate it with her. Gruff.

While I was deeply immersed in the AF finals, (You the man Zahid, you the man.) the phone buzzed and I was greeted by an unfamiliar voice that at the same time, used that same familiar phrase that has been lingering in my ears for quite sometime now. It was Li (Cue mad violins!!). She texted me earlier on during the gig saying that she stumbled upon two precious things. The Observatory's Time Of Rebirth and Music Exchange. She got it for RM26. You're really bad at bargaining aren't you? Haha. So she thought of giving me a thank-you call for the recommendation, among other things. Nice to know that her maha-bonda is fine and funny to know that she has to remind her every single day about every single thing. Very 50 First Date-ish. Cherish it while she's still around Li, cherish it. One thing about her is that, apart form the fact that her mum went for an AFUNDI-splurge that has left her phone credit-less in less than 30 minutes (Now that's hillarious) is that she has this intoxicating laugh that's irresistable. Dragged me along to laugh out loud as well. Now that's very hard to come across these days. Afterwards, spent the rest of the night texting with Alia. It seems that she requires my assistance for her school project but unfortunately I can't make it. Would love to see how that turn out to be. Offered herself a lending hand in case I'm in search for an extra collaborator specializing in cello and classical/jazz piano. Neat. Maybe she's far better than me at guitar since she started much, much younger (at that age, 11, I'm still busy with my Dragon Ball card collection and my Game Boy). We then thought it's time to hit the sack. Not together, mind you.

Well, after some overdue packing and a few shouts from Ibu for my untimely delay, we're off to Bote. Not before breakfast at Mama Norma's (Nasi Ayam for breakfast? Huh?!) and a pause at Mak Ngah's for lunch.

The reason why Ibu decided to drive me back this time around is that so I could meet Atok. Tapah, during my childhood was the best place to be come school holidays. With my cousins running around the house, uncle's and auntie's joking about, Atok and Acu preparing laksa, it's arguably one of the best times of my life. But after Ayah's passing, and a few typical Malay arguments over harta has soared our already hypocritical-relationship. It was very depressive since we were already being somewhat 'deserted' since we lived outside of Perak and then shit happened. Being only 16 at that time, I was full of rage and wrath that I called Atok on the phone, yelled at her and slammed the phone to the wall smashing it to smithereens. I know. That's very Tenggang of me but she and Mamak Mi made Ibu cried for their bad remarks and all that revolves around Ayah's harta. The same thing happened to Mak Ngah and family after the demise of Pak Ngah circa 3 years ago. We were'nt a wealthy family but we do live comfortable enough to not rely on the help of others. I can't stand the sight of Ibu crying. It recalled the tough times we had when we first moved to Subang when I was barely 9. We were practically alone. I could weep just by the thought of it. Fuh. That was some trip down the memory lane. That was then. Now every single crack's trying to fit the puzzle and I'm not doing anything about it. Maybe I'm still viciously disturbed by the friction caused by the stormy arguments. I believe that I still can't forgive them and I'm being good at pretending that I did. The moment we arrived at the porch of the house, everything went silent. I mean everything. After a couple of Assalamualaikums, Atok came to the door clad in telekung. Apparently she's mengaji-ing. I gave her a few Ni sape ni? moments of her own before I introduced myself. She's too young to be senile. I blame that wholy on me. Apart from my facial changes, it is my fault that I don't go back to Tapah or even give her a call that often. That explains the whole Ni sape ni? scene. She cried the moment she looked in my eyes. Bugger. She still sees Ayah in me. Surely I have an uncanny resemblence of him but it was okay at first. When I was a naive, sick chasm. Nowadays it's becoming a burden to me. Following his footsteps has been one of the things that is expected of me. Though we share the same DNA, we're two very different person. Being father-less at a tender age of 9 did'nt help either. I grew up with no one to look up to.

After tea, we left Tapah for Bote without looking back. It'll be until the next Raya for me to set foot again there.

Ah, Bote. My home for almost 2 years now. Home, bored home. They've changed my room's door knob and took the liberty of locking it up. Thanks a lot. Now I'm roomless. Lucky Razi's around. Will be bunking in his room for a day or two perhaps. Amir will be joining too.

So my holiday was unexpectedly a really 'colorful' affair this time around....

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-