Secrecy

Well, just when I thought I would be spending my weekend alone, wasting the morning hours high on Dragon Ball, driving myself up the wall yet again, a simple invite had ruined it all. To my relief thankfully. I was invited to tag along with Fai & his former F classmates with a few others for a weekend escapade in Pangkor. Being the uncertain me, I hesitated at first. But since I have the cash, and to the fact that I do need a little bit of weekend fun, and it seems that Fuzzy's also tagging along, why not? Also to steal the opportunity to know my fellow coursemates a little bit deeper than usual. I must say that although the trip was on a very short notice on my behalf, it was way more relaxed than the one we did last year. The original B. Kudos to Ibu (Haida) for the  neat organization plan. Nice.

Our arrival at Pangkor sure is a past revisited for me. Eventhough it's only my 3rd visit on the island, It feels like homecoming. Nothing has changed. Every piece of wood, every scrape of metal, every pink taxis, and everyone still remains intact. It's nice to know that I'm acknowledge by the others. Baiyah, Hawa, Kak Anis, and Syara are great, friendly peeps. Alhamdulillah.

Monday. Pangkor aftermath: I'm wasted. Still trying to sum up what has really happened during the trip. Was there any meaningful, carefree moment? Apart from spending time bonding with Atikah, watching AF with the whole gang (except for those 4 lovebirds doing god knows what), there's absolutely none I guess. Perhaps I spent too much of my time on Fuzzy. Studying her. First of all my dear friend, don't get me wrong or feel frustrated or sad or whatsoever for that matter for what I'm going to say next. It's just me being me. Also this is not an expression of dissatisfaction or whatnot on my behalf.

I was perhaps, in my opinion, or at least what I was trying to idiosyncriticaly attempt, was being her minder for the weekend. I know it does sounds moronic but it was all automatic. It keeps on shifting as the minutes passes by. As she was being my 'study', I somehow felt responsible for her at the same time. It's safe to say that I'm often the 'third wheel' whenever she, Che and me wander off anywhere. Just to make sure that she's fine. Am I pushing it too far? The defining moment was on Saturday itself. At the Coral Beach. She and Che were over the big boulders. Fishing. I'm down there at the beach. I'm not anywhere near the area of 'jealousy' if that's what you're wondering. Never occured and no reason for it if it does. It seems metaphoric.

Go, go on and go 'till the stars are gone,
I'll be here, in case you tumble or fumble anywhere near

I don't know if you realized it all along or not. But I doubt it. At times I feel I'm being 'overprotective'. Or perhaps. 'nosy'. Sounds nonsensical right?  But I would'nt blame you if you do feel so. These kind of things happens to me almost on a certain basis. Eversince I was thought, on how to be a fraud...

I really need to sort myself out. My blogs has been pestering with 'the order' it seems. And to conclude all this pointless banterings and silly dumb thoughts, here's a little something not for anyone in particular, but it suits the current mood and vibe. Fits like a glove.

Uncertain

Have you been standing straight in line?
Nothing’s fine with displaying your self consciousness
Hoping you would give up your everything
Just for the sake of this needless break

This is a toast for the one we know the most
How did it end up abruptly silent?
Cheerfully you came by and leave me again
Just checking in case I’m still sane

Moving skinny skins is tragically amusing
Comments made is a total redundancy
Question you not this answer of ours
Supremacy has returned, now you’ll learn

Tell me tonight that tomorrow will be endless
Somehow losing this moment is not an option
Trusting your every lies has made me full
A fool I am not for believing everything that’s not

Where were you when the squealing chants started?
I think we deserve a better view of ourselves
How lovely would it be has kept me happily wondering
I honestly don’t think I deserve this timeless pondering

Spreading secrets in public adds more secrecy to your clouded mystery
You rather spend your day in a night made of thousands of celebrated stars
I’ve spent my whole eternity healing this slithered scar
If tomorrow matters the most then why are you leaving?

Fear is not far away from you, my dear
It stays but you’re moving too sudden
Towards the pin point light you place yourself upon
How can our passion be such a seedless burden?

For two lonely nights I’ve been waiting for this loneliness
But naturally I end up being alone
Come and be a wiser in my breathing space of hereafter
Surprisingly I was supposed to dine and die at home

p/s: Fuzzy, please do not feel burdened by this in any possible way. You have conflicts of your own and I don't intend to add more to the list. This is nothing crucial. Till then....