Oh no. Oh god. I am... (15 05 2004)

.... Being at the end of the rope can sometimes be frustratingly satisfying. For instance, i woke up this morning and guess what? i felt miserable. Very. But inside, i knew there's going to be a change. A change of/in what? I'm currently clueless. But somehow i can feel that i've 'moved on'. From what/where? again, i am clueless. But being clueless has never been so thoughtful. So introspective. I've seen too much of deceitness this week than i have in my entire temporary-existence. And i am at the end of the rope. The porcelain rope. Fragile yet so pure. Hmm. So, after 5 long awaited years, I met my long-lost, cute, lovely friend, Mawar. Fahmi's a lucky guy to have her as a steady. She snuck out of campus just so they could meet each other. Haha. Romantic innocence. We talked about those days of naiveness when we're just two innocent rascals who happens to share the same birthdate. Can't believe she still remembers the 'affair' that we had. Of course it was fictional. Our friends made it up. She's a great friend and i reckon she still is. I would'nt want her any other way. At least now that i've found her, i know that i have another shoulder to cry on, another smile and laughter to share my joy with, and another person for me to care for all of my life. There was a period of my life as an orphan that i really wanted to see her and talk about my emotional conflicts. But it never did happened. I'll look forward to this life-long friendship. I can't bear losing her again. Haha. I sounded pathetic did'nt i? Besides all that, my current worries is still with me being broke, having this annoying writer's block, thinking that i've wasted my life by doing nothing, and also being irresponsible sometimes. The writer's block that i'm having really annoys me a lot. I can't rock, i can't flick switches and turning knobs, my electronica stuffs sounds downward horrible, and i'm feeling like a shithead right now. Oh no. Oh god. I am...