I See Your Heart, And I Raise You Mine

I'm an addict.


I'm addicted to gambling.


Well, it's not gambling per se but yeah. Endless rounds of Royal, Poker and Blackjack grants me the liberty to say so. 8 out of 10 says that I'll be busy shuffling my cards whenever you guys catch me on the phone and the odds are in favour of you. Adding to the fact that Azmi gave me an installer for this spanking Invitational Poker Championship isn't helping things at all. I'm more and more convinced that I could take up Las Vegas by a single call. I'm on a winning streak against the boys that pinning it 'legendary' would be a total understatement. Yes, I'm getting cockier by the minute.

Since we're still on the subject, my life itself is pretty much a poker table. A huge gamble. I keep on throwing the chips in the pot and bid my time 'till the right hand comes along. The house always wins, yes. But that's a bet I'm willing to raise simply because I'm already in this dugout too deep to jump out of it. The only puzzle remains is that, for what it's worth?



Bob came over and kidnapped me for a drink on Friday. It's nice to have that homely vibe once in a while. We had the talks and all. The songs are about to be mastered, both he and Adib are working on the t-shirts and the CD packaging, Syamil's debut with Lucy In The Loo, the two songs I'm working on, the one song Bob had that he wanted me to 'whip my magic' at, possible shows outside the Valley, Azmir's upcoming Swiss departure and the cheapness of food in Perak. Azhar passed me the songs last Saturday and I must say that I'm having mixed feelings about it. Slightly under the wheather that I hoped for. But in the end, it's nice to sink in the fact that "All Was Lost" is a favourite among the ones who have heard it and "June Of July" is at its best interpreted live.

I lost count on how many times have Nazirah and I talked on the phone. It's getting to be on a daily basis it even went to the point of me expecting her call. I'm known to be the least likely person to hold a phone conversation for more than 5 minutes long but with her, it feels like having the gift of gab (with her being the gifted one. Heh). I'm enjoying every second of it.

I'm tagging along with the AC6B's Investment trip to KLSE sometime next month with me being the photographer as my ticket to ride. Gotta grab the IXUS this coming CNY before anyone has their hands on it. I heard one of my step-siblings is planning to bring it along to one of them Euro tours which remind me, we might be heading back to London mid-year. If that's happening, and my lucky stars are in sight, I might arrange something with Azmir for us to meet up and catch a World Cup match. Yeah, it's that time of the year. Soon.

This very own campus is getting positively livelier by the day. With the new regulations 'encouraging' students to gender-socialize more, you'll hardly see any empty spots and vacant paths anywhere. Always filled with laughter and generic, one-sided common sense shared amongst the boys and the girls. I must admit that I'm also having my share of the cake. It might not be the best of views, but the one from my room is the most vibrant of all. It's the busiest joint. It's where the east meets west. It's where cars and bikes hustle and bustle to and fro chasing whatever it is that they're after. It's where you see girls clad in semi-tight/tight/super-tight pants/track bottoms/slacks/jeans (tudung-on or off) strutting their stuff like nobody's business and hey, who's complaining? Even the dining hall's being a common place for eye candies.



See, with all these randomness I'm going through -however few of it- I'm still looking for a firm ground to call home. It's like someone threw me across the table and I can't seem to fall down. I don't want to. I'm pushing further and further 'till I hit the wall. Maybe only then will I be still. Maybe only then will I see the defeat and raise the flag. Maybe only then will I fold my cards.



But, like I said.

I'm addicted to gambling.

Not like this

Hmm.

It's getting harder these days to easily breathe the air and be contented with what you have and what you own. Even when sometimes you get what you want that turns out to be what you really need. Insecurities have been making a comeback as of late. Knowing that it's infectious is not a pleasant thought at all.



I'm worried about you. The both of you. I am a part of things that turned sour. I am the stone in the middle of the fire. You said everything will be ok but this mangled conscious is ever so worried. I do hope everything is at ease.

I wish you well. The both of you.



I'm worried about you. Your presence in my little space is getting to be a permanent fix. One that I am pleased about. You tried your best being the one you thought you'd be but it's getting hurtful. You tried to be wiser than the ones around you but it's being dreadly rigid. You tried to fly when everyone's crawling but you stumbled and lost your wings. You forgot that I am here to pick you up, you forgot that I am here to help you be you, you forgot that I am here for you.

I wish you well.



I'm worried about you. We talked less lately. We haven't cross paths in weeks. Yet that dream I had was a reminder that there's still something to it in our friendship. I always wished that I could do more. That I always could do better. You've given to me so much that makes giving back, a lifelong pursuit. I can be that shoulder to cry on. I can be that friend to count on. I can be the one you know you whole life.

I wish you well.




This bedrock of mine is cracking every passing minute. It is never my intention for it to be noticed. Not like this.

Record This: A Telephony Delivery

It doesn't help that your guitar's having the "slippery tune slip" syndrome while recording. Fortunately the whole ordeal was for only two songs.

Being a virgin at this, I was unrelentingly nervous and somewhat tensed at first. It doesn't help either that I'm a pick-less guitarist which kinda compromised the guitar track's clarity. But then again, rounds of air suam, sticks of Cakoi and the room's bomb shelter-like set up, I pulled through decently well.

The whole experience was made easy with Adzwan's breezy, hyper-ish attitude (which, according to Bob, was a different side of him), patiently thumping the keys and clicking the mouse whenever I signalled that I needed another take. He was so breezy that he even curi-curi tulang YM-ing with his "Tercinta". Heh.

"All Was Lost" has now shaped up to be a heartwrenching tune instead of a jiwang-leleh like as we expected. With Azmir leaving us soon, it made it ever the more relevant. It was very understanding of him as well to redo the 1st half of his vocals. He surprised us with his terpendam voice. That man can sing. Azhar also redid his keyboard track and managed to add a few twists making the song a lil' bit longer than its 2 minute length.

Doing "June Of July" was fun. I had the impression of it being the toughest to lay down. Turns out to be the most enjoyable. Syamil's redoing his guitar tracks sometime soon. Personally, between us, he's more proficient than I am and he knows his gear well. It's intimidating talking to him about gear stuffs. What I know is like a can of soda compared to his reservoir-like knowledge. It's a plus point that he's ever helpful for those in need of his assistence.

We head over to Mokh's for Adib's drum tracks. While he was busy shouting at Adzwan adjustng the levels, we were busy having fun with Mokh, taking pictures with his keyboards and sofas. It was kinda a smoothsail for Adib. He's good with metronome. We wrapped up around 3 in the A.M. Went to Darus for drinks, headed home when everyone was exhausted and Adib -literally- slept on the table. 12 hours of recording will do that to you.

Mixing will take place soon. It's only last week that we played our first gig. I'm still tired. Happy Aidiladha everyone.