Sunday Bloody Sunday

Fuh. I was never physically and mentally exhausted in one short period. Serves me right. Thought of trying multitasking but it sure was taxing. Treasure hunt was fun for the first half while I was a blitzing, sweaty hunter. But I heard they screwed up the rest of the leg. Pity. There were only 5 of them! I felt a lil' bit guilty as well.

The reason why I had to retire from the rat race is obviously for the quiz. We dubbed ourselves (excluding Dayah. She's all geared up for it) the selekeh team. I mean it was rightfully deserved. Others were clad in shirts and slacks. Even neckties! (you're one crazy nerd you know that Zeid?) I even don't have a friggin' pen! Let alone a calculator! Helped came in form of Dayah (pen) and Kak Rohayu (calculator. and she's one fine lady) Regardless of all that crazy moments, we're now in the running for the grand prize with only Che and co. being our obstruction. Good luck for the finals tomorrow mates. May the best team triumph.

Syahir bought me lunch as a token of his congratulations. His team lost to mine. Thanks bro. Made a solemn promise to him that Schizophrenia and Panggilan Rindu (Dan Awan Pun Menangis...) will see the light of the day. Cross them fingaz.

This month is ending. And so is my time here... Hmm...Sounds like Stephen Malkmus' Church On White...

Untill This Ending Moment, I'm Still Breathing Recklessly....

MGT 215 rocks big time. I seem to be preferring En. Hud's methodological teachings. He's a man of his words and posesses a high level of professionalism. Bloody brilliant. Quiz could be much better if he chose a different topic or management theorist but why Fayol? He's literally a rotten imbecile deserved to be given a smack on his noggin for his 14 redundant principles!

I almost missed Friday prayer for the 3rd consecutive time. Barely made it. Cursed my dizzy afternoon for that. Ate too much guava. I seriously need riding lessons from the guys. But then I'll be a rempit too. We'll see how it goes.

Fuzzy asked me if I needed a lift back home since she's leaving with Ibu. How kind and thoughtful. But I have to politely decline the tempting invite. I need to do this alone. a bit of freedom before hitting the harsh reality back home. My tragic reality. Not literally but metaphorically. It seems to be having a cruhing effect on me. Ripping me limb by limb. I guess that's why I kept myself here for 2 months...

Ibu's (my Ibu) in Dungun currently with the kids. Apparently Amir met with something awful we call accident. 47 stitches on the head. Ouch. I hope everyone's doing well there sepecially Ki. His health has been declining eversince he was admitted during the initial quarter of the year.

Bjork's Verandi can't seem to find its way out of my head's labyrinth. I'm feeling trippy....

Back to the retro-motion world.......

At some point, I find that it's quite hard to consume the fact that my life and those who are dear to me has changed a whole lot. Efry will no longer reside in USJ 6 since his parent's will be moving to Kedah/Penang by the end of this month, Wanie's now in UNIMAS, Wan Mok's still in ICU in Johore and Farah's celebrating her 15th birthday today with a flu. Other than that, I have no relative news about the others and their well-being. I've been away for almost 2 solid months.

Last night after my last entry me and Amir took a bend to Downtown for a drink. Raqib was there as well. Glad to see him all sober and composed. Oh, and thank you again Amir for supper. Sweet.

It rained today. Ijoy's giving me the creeps. He's proven yet again that he can predict the weather quite accurate. Could he be Kermit's infamous last apperentice? Nah. He does'nt make fart sounds like Beethoven's Symphony No.5. The vibe today somehow reminds me of London. All very grey-ish. Shortly after LAW, I was nearby when Nadia and Pa'e were discussing about him replacing her for the FAR Inter-Part Quiz since she has to attend to her medical needs. She then without no apparent reason, playfully bumped herself to me. Twice. It felt good...

If everything is according to plan, I'll be posting another album review sometime around next week in Friendster's Bulletin Board and here as well.

A little something on starsucker & the wide-white band:
Sad news for those who are an ardent fan of starsucker & the wide-white band's post-rock leanings and exploits. Since I'm currently on a one-man crusade and due to the lack of proper equiptments and gadgets, all of our sonic excursions will be placed on a temporary hiatus. This is also a very saddening announcement on our behalf since we're all exited to finalise the arrangements for our self-proclaimed masterpiece, See Die Un. But hopefully the hiatus will be a really, really brief one indeed. For now, I am making use of what I have at my disposal to the fullest extent. Concentrating solely on Ibunda-Pop and a newfound spark in IDM, progressing slow yet very positive, it is safe to claim that everyone concerning this collective is definitely in for a surprise.

Ibunda-Pop:   

4 months since the commencing of the once described as "Yesteryear's Present Twists Of Now" sound, it is now a prominent dimension in starsucker & the wide-white band's curent agenda. With the recent completion of Cempulan, an upbeat, heart-wrenching ode to 'anything in the name of grace', the template is finally constructed. With stronger lyrical content and better song arrangement than the previous effort, it is expected to cause a stir back home in good ol' US of J.

 
IDM (Incidental Digital Mockery): 

After a long break from pattern arrangement, I've decided to get busy again. A spontaneous accident (which is now christened as HardyThumpyDum. Digital mockery at its best) and a few others later, I'm now on full-force at manning the board, twisting knobs and flicking switches. Alternating frequently between FruityLoops3 and the newly-installed FruityLoopsStudio4, results so far have been very encouraging. Working relentlessly on a series of various 'earth-shattering' patterns with

FruityLoopsStudio4 at present.

 
I'm listening to Delta Goodrem's Lost Without You. It kept reminding me of Jehan...

"...And The Lahst Look That'll Drrrrivee Ye Insane....."

Today's morning breeze was'nt kind enough to me. I was shocked by the tale of The Raqib Tragedy. Poor lad. I'll pay you a visit soon perhaps. It was a very disastrous mishap. Oh, and Li, I pray that your granma will be fine. Kudos...

BEL was fun today. As always. But it was sweeter since we did a pair assignment and I ended up pairing with Fai. We brought the house down. The Frisky Fuckers. Other than that, it was the usual routine of getting the class in mood for other excercises all borne by none other than Pn. Mary herself. Oh, me and Fai thought her a new word today. How RARE is that? And the word was Concur. Pretty bizzare ain't it? Hoho. But it was all in the name of fun. She's a funny lady. And we're a funny bunch. Go figure.

I srewed up things with my 1st attempt at editing HTML codes. It went fine at first. But then one thing led to another, and *PooF!!*. Everything went blank!! I'll put my endeavour to a halt till I regain my long lost confidence. Ham SMSed me as soon as I gave a testi to him. Thanking the bastard me for the unforgivingly direct testimonial. Haha. Our SMS session has been really lite-hearted so far. Saturday night he sent me a picture message. A neat one. It's a pre-promo for Drones. I've been killing time waiting for the release of the highly-expected follow up to Freeway, Dreaming & Broke. I can't believe he still remembered about my album review. Even encouraged me and reminded me not to quit but to keep up with the good work. Touche...

FAR was very releiving although I did'nt get the answers correct. I learnt a lot today. I should've put a C+ on both of my previous exam results so that I would'nt be chosen to partake in the Inter-Part quiz. Damn...

Adam gave out a sneak preview of The Muffins debut LP. Too bad I'm not intrested enough to own a copy. Although the musicality and craftsmanship is something to be given thought about  (judging by the maisntream spectrum), it does seems repetitious at one point and the lyrical content is'nt strong enough. Like blending Nescafe with susu cair. But I sorta like Ajak's (Adam's 'retarded' bro, as he would claim it.) Iwan Falls-meets-Duan's falsetto vocal croonings on the 10th track (which I can't recall the title) and the last track, Postlude. All in all, it was a fairly great album. Especially for a debut release. All the best mates, all the best.

In response to Fuzzy's entry, I'm sorta glad that she claims to be back in reality. I guess the timing could'nt have been any better. It's been a while since we crossed paths for classes. I wish you all the best for our mid-term test. Oh, and also for your upcoming essay writing contest this Wednesday.

I'm next to Amir. The 1st time for this semester. He's becoming more deranged as the days keep coming. That I believe is a result of hanging around Zeid too much. Oh well, I'm a guilty too...

Secrecy

Well, just when I thought I would be spending my weekend alone, wasting the morning hours high on Dragon Ball, driving myself up the wall yet again, a simple invite had ruined it all. To my relief thankfully. I was invited to tag along with Fai & his former F classmates with a few others for a weekend escapade in Pangkor. Being the uncertain me, I hesitated at first. But since I have the cash, and to the fact that I do need a little bit of weekend fun, and it seems that Fuzzy's also tagging along, why not? Also to steal the opportunity to know my fellow coursemates a little bit deeper than usual. I must say that although the trip was on a very short notice on my behalf, it was way more relaxed than the one we did last year. The original B. Kudos to Ibu (Haida) for the  neat organization plan. Nice.

Our arrival at Pangkor sure is a past revisited for me. Eventhough it's only my 3rd visit on the island, It feels like homecoming. Nothing has changed. Every piece of wood, every scrape of metal, every pink taxis, and everyone still remains intact. It's nice to know that I'm acknowledge by the others. Baiyah, Hawa, Kak Anis, and Syara are great, friendly peeps. Alhamdulillah.

Monday. Pangkor aftermath: I'm wasted. Still trying to sum up what has really happened during the trip. Was there any meaningful, carefree moment? Apart from spending time bonding with Atikah, watching AF with the whole gang (except for those 4 lovebirds doing god knows what), there's absolutely none I guess. Perhaps I spent too much of my time on Fuzzy. Studying her. First of all my dear friend, don't get me wrong or feel frustrated or sad or whatsoever for that matter for what I'm going to say next. It's just me being me. Also this is not an expression of dissatisfaction or whatnot on my behalf.

I was perhaps, in my opinion, or at least what I was trying to idiosyncriticaly attempt, was being her minder for the weekend. I know it does sounds moronic but it was all automatic. It keeps on shifting as the minutes passes by. As she was being my 'study', I somehow felt responsible for her at the same time. It's safe to say that I'm often the 'third wheel' whenever she, Che and me wander off anywhere. Just to make sure that she's fine. Am I pushing it too far? The defining moment was on Saturday itself. At the Coral Beach. She and Che were over the big boulders. Fishing. I'm down there at the beach. I'm not anywhere near the area of 'jealousy' if that's what you're wondering. Never occured and no reason for it if it does. It seems metaphoric.

Go, go on and go 'till the stars are gone,
I'll be here, in case you tumble or fumble anywhere near

I don't know if you realized it all along or not. But I doubt it. At times I feel I'm being 'overprotective'. Or perhaps. 'nosy'. Sounds nonsensical right?  But I would'nt blame you if you do feel so. These kind of things happens to me almost on a certain basis. Eversince I was thought, on how to be a fraud...

I really need to sort myself out. My blogs has been pestering with 'the order' it seems. And to conclude all this pointless banterings and silly dumb thoughts, here's a little something not for anyone in particular, but it suits the current mood and vibe. Fits like a glove.

Uncertain

Have you been standing straight in line?
Nothing’s fine with displaying your self consciousness
Hoping you would give up your everything
Just for the sake of this needless break

This is a toast for the one we know the most
How did it end up abruptly silent?
Cheerfully you came by and leave me again
Just checking in case I’m still sane

Moving skinny skins is tragically amusing
Comments made is a total redundancy
Question you not this answer of ours
Supremacy has returned, now you’ll learn

Tell me tonight that tomorrow will be endless
Somehow losing this moment is not an option
Trusting your every lies has made me full
A fool I am not for believing everything that’s not

Where were you when the squealing chants started?
I think we deserve a better view of ourselves
How lovely would it be has kept me happily wondering
I honestly don’t think I deserve this timeless pondering

Spreading secrets in public adds more secrecy to your clouded mystery
You rather spend your day in a night made of thousands of celebrated stars
I’ve spent my whole eternity healing this slithered scar
If tomorrow matters the most then why are you leaving?

Fear is not far away from you, my dear
It stays but you’re moving too sudden
Towards the pin point light you place yourself upon
How can our passion be such a seedless burden?

For two lonely nights I’ve been waiting for this loneliness
But naturally I end up being alone
Come and be a wiser in my breathing space of hereafter
Surprisingly I was supposed to dine and die at home

p/s: Fuzzy, please do not feel burdened by this in any possible way. You have conflicts of your own and I don't intend to add more to the list. This is nothing crucial. Till then....

Cempedak & Pulasan?

I did mention a few posts back that I regreted that I wrote Cempulan. I can't explain why and how. It somehow represents my ongoing conflict/confusion/disoriented feeling and whatnot with the opposite sex and God quite accurately. This song is much more powerful than Panggilan. Much much more. My best "Ibunda-Pop" to date. I'm thankful that my songwriting maturity has increased steadily. I've found my palette...

Cempulan

Alaslah segala alasan perasan perasaan mu itu,
Berat bibir ku untuk ku bertutur luhur dikala kau berlibur,
Ku merenung ke bulan dan awan idamkan apa yang kau fikirkan,
Mentari pagi ini menyinari kendi dan malam ku kian sepi,

Tanpamu, disisi...

Ranum sekali hati si Dang Anum yang kagum dicium si kacak harum,
Cepat pucat kelat jiwa kelibat Hang Jebat mengesat keringat tersejat,
Pernah dahulu kau endahkan aku tersedu diriku mencari hala tuju,
Habis selapis dilukis ceritera magis penyudah sebuah kisah tragis,

Kiniku, menangis,
Akan ku nanti disitu,
Di gerbang alam keronika mu...

Benarkah kau teruja?
Ingin aku bercanda dengan hikayat mu,
Perlukah kau berdusta?
Ku anyam seluruh ragaku,
Dengan kasih mu,
Menjadi penawar kencana,
Penyingkap rasa yang berduka,
Gemalai ayu tingkah mu,
Membisik ke sukma ku...

Berhembus embun dikala ku mengelamun mimpi ku disamun dikau penyamun anggun,
Tiada khabar perihal sejak ku dibedal kau khayal lantas ku hilang akal..

Benarkah kau teruja?
Ingin aku bercanda dengan hikayat mu,
Perlukah kau berdusta?
Ku anyam seluruh ragaku,
Dengan kasih mu,
Menjadi penawar kencana,
Penyingkap rasa yang berduka,
Gemalai ayu tingkah mu,
Membisik ke sukma ku,
Telah ku sahut sahutan sang penghasut,
Syahadan kiniku kesayuan,
Terungkap sudah hari-hari yang pergi dan tak akan kembali,
Sudahlah,
Relakan ku mengalah,
Cukuplah.....

Phrenology

Gosh. I'm lost. Malfunction, malfunction, eTTeTT, EttetteEE!! I can't remember much these days. But I do remember about the day before today.(yesterday la!) Fuzzy woke me up from my slumber. No,you're not forgiven. Not untill a bite at BK's. Ngahaha! So we met up in Uptown. Very the ramai. So we yak and yak and yak and yak and yak and yak..... But not before the table was 'cleared'. Oh by the way, Khen,I feel sorry for you mate. Good luck with your new job! So JPA was quite swell. Two or three worthy chicks for me to check out is a definite plus. I'm already motivated. Hoho. Now comes the funny part. Ariq accidently told Adam about the meeting between me and Fuzzy. He felt bad about it but hey, it's alright. No harm done la Chimp! You're OK. And Adam gave me that tak boleh blah grin. You know how it looks like. Right Fuzzy? So I thought that was the end of it, but boy was I wrong. I accompanied Zhaf after dinner to scrouge the whole block for an extra helmet. We ended up in Ah Fen's room. And hell broke loose. Haha. Just pulling socks. He saw us in Uptown. Everyone was acting caught-in-the-act-romeo on my behalf. I was like "Huh?". Well, flipping the other side of the coin, we might receive a lot of AFUNDIs for this fictional rumour. Hoho. Sassy!! Haha. Hope you'll enjoy your weekend, Fuzzy. I'm not sure about me though. I'm left alone in the room. At least I can clean it up. Alone! Wa... Funny. Ah, I stumbled upon another old piece of mine. I bet it's the best ode I've written to someone. Jehan. Funny that the first alphabet of the words in the title resembles her initials. Noorjehan Bte. Saiful Anwar. NJBSA. Spooky...

No July Beats Summer's April

This time I'm back in front of the garden gates,
Why does it look so empty since you're here?
No calls at all, expecting replies to be late,
My heavy eyes won't be going anywhere near.

Home, bored home,
Two feet away from this burning chrome,
Everything's okay for the month of may,
When it's over I'll be older and fray.

Sleepy head wake up when you're dead,
All you do is yawn whenever it's on your empty head,
Sleepy head rise up from my bed,
All I do is frown whenever you're down under the shade,

Vacant seats screaming indefinite vacancy,
Unturned screens staring straight at me,
Snap out of this reality and you'll know exactly how,
A fragment of my intention is to adorn you with this heartfelt vow.

We're doing creative writing for BEL next week. Maybe I'll use this one...

Only Shallow

Hmm. What I meant about Panggilan meaning nothing to me was that it was fictional. It's suppose to be the other way around. Not like this. You find a purpose than only you pursue. Not likewise. Then you realized that something that you crafted has affected those who are close to you. They see it as their plot. You as their storyteller to their bedtime nightnmares. Sooner or later you'll feel that you're a fake. A foolish flake. Arhhhh!! If only someone understands my case. Who will? Somehow in this hazy moments I seem to be loosing my grip on everything. I reckon I'm only steps away from loosing my sanity. Is this me? Is this the real me? Am I this hollow? Everything that I try to grasp tends to get further out of my reach with each step that I take. Maybe my time here is due after all. I'm done.
Well, just shade the gray and put on a happy facade. At least it does ease the pain. Little by little....

Wait in the fire....

Huh. You've done it agin Fuzzy, you've done it again. I have no intention of whatsoever to make an entry today since I'm not in the mood of doing so. Again. But reading your long entries somehow 'persuaded' me. I think the word 'uninspired' best describes our current state of tahap kemalasan yang kronik. Yes, we're in the same zone right now. But I don't know for how long. And it's starting to drain me as the days keep coming. Let's just bear with it together yah? You know I'm always here... And we have to meet up and chat. Pronto! Thanks for the info. If you must, just pass it around then. I don't mind since now it means nothing to me. But if they ask for it, just give it to them. And include that with my regards. Pangkor? I have'nt had the slightest idea about that. Perform? Yes, there has been talks among us about performing either for the Family Tag or the dinner. But not with Panggilan I reckon. The AF thingy, sad to say that I don't care about it. So there goes your 20 cents down the drain. Sorry. Ya Allah... Now I regreted that I wrote Cempulan. It's just to painful. It hit me right there where it hurts. Grace....

And.....

The University of Blogging Presents to farhanwide An Honorary Bachelor of Psychotic Ranting Majoring in Cheesey Memes Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

Username:

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

Yours Truly And The Rest Of You...

Haihh... I have to cure myself from this cyber addiction. Was suppose to go back to my dorm and 'recharge' for the upcoming MGT pop-quiz this afternoon. But here I am cracking keyboards and acting cool (I'm surrounded by juniors. Guilty..). IMK was generally good. I did doze off a few times but luckily ustazah managed to squeeze some awekening jokes here and there. Bump into Fuzzy on my way here. Somehow I felt strange about last night. I mean the way our meeting ended. The scenario of the end of our conversation. It does'nt feel right. I somehow felt bad that I let her off alone. But that eventually led to an unexpected unveiling. Out of my surprise, on our way back Zhaf spilled out his on-the-brink-of-catastrophe conflict to me. I can't write it down since I'm sworn to secrecy. But I felt somewhat relieved that he told no one among the guys but me. Maybe that's the reason why I felt a lil' bit awkward earlier last night. Like something totally unexpected is bound to be. I don't know why am I saying what I'm saying next. I just felt the urge. Sorry Fuzzy.

Benarkah kau teruja?

Well this is my 1st blog of the month. So much has happened since my last entry. I'll try to fit in as far as I could recall. Good news. "Schizophrenia" is complete at last! Afiq added a kick-ass solo. A very good effort for someone who's a virgin at songwriting. Everyone, especially us, is very relieved that the song is good to go. "Panggilan Rindu (Dan Awan Pun Menangis...)" has been wickedly enhanced by Adam's spanking, Javanese-laden bass lines. With a wee bit of help from me as well. Still in progress. My baby, "Cempulan" is almost ready for acoustic-referrence recording. I'll post the lyrics soon. The best I've ever written so far. Arrangements are pretty loose at the moment. Currently figuring out new chord progressions for counter-mood effects. Also attempted my 1st reversed-recording technique. It sounded great. Let see how it fits. I let the word out to a few friends back home about the 'upcoming releases' of my Ibunda-Pop pieces. Let's see how's the feedback. Speaking of upcoming releases, SCTS is due to release "The Summary" soon and their LP next month. YAY!!. Salvation at last. Fuzzy went back home last weekend. You Spanker, you! You left me here alone. Huhu. Yeah Fuzzy! There's a new wish in town. Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri Keluar Akedemi Fantasia. Ngahahahaha!! She gave me a couple of mangoes. Thanks auntie! (Padan muke kene marah ngan your mum. Ngahahah!). To be honest Fuzzy, I never ate mango before! But mengenangkan penat lelah saudari yang termengah-mengah memikulnya dari Kuala ke Bote, saya bukakan pintu hati saya untuk menerimanya. You know what? Sedap la! She's in the other lab right now. Zhaf's next to me. Ella sent me a mail saying that my written stuffs are good. Alhamdulillah. Maybe I'll have tea with her someday. Got myself a new friend today. Farra from UIA. A Johorean. Zhaf's ex-schoolmate in Tunku Jaafar. She's a BEN student. Neat. Speaking about new friends, I wonder how Athea's doing right now.. Got a really surprising text from Soos while doing Law last night. She's been poisoned.... Food poisoning la! Haiyo. Very lovely of her to drop a line and felt better after texting with me. I was flattered. Dileperkan. Hoho. I'm still playing "La Intrusa". I'll move in to my room this weekend perhaps. I've been staying there for far too long. Also running out of cash and credit. Haihh....