Glittering Blackness

Merdeka, Merdeka, Merdeka. Sudah hampir setengah abad kita menikmati kemerdekaan. Sudah selama ini jugalah kita masih tercari-cari akan erti sebenar akan kebebasan kita ini. Bebaskah kita tatkala hidup ini masih dibelenggu dengan perasaan inferior terhadap kebolehan kita sendidri? Bebaskah akan kita pabila cemuhan yang dilemparkan oleh saudara-saudara kita sendiri seperti tiada kesudahannya? Ingatlah wahai sahabat, bahawa dikiri ku ada kanan mu. Dimana kau menoleh, disitulah adanya aku menghulurkan pertolongan pabila perlu, Insya'allah. Sudah, berehatlah. Kerana dirimu sudah lesu dimamah kenangan keperitan masa lampau. Terimalah keikhlasan yang diterbitkan dari kejujuran ini....

If someone did recite the speech above infront of the public, I'd kill my conscious. I mean, yeah I wrote it but it seems pointless. I'm not a patriotic citizen unlike those who claim themselves to be one. Heck, amidst all the unwavering support and affection towards our proud nation, could you lose count on those who would really take a bullet for ol' Malaysia? Youths nowadays still bitch about the whole NS thingie. Yeah, you have the liberty to go and "fuck tha' police!" alongside De La Rocha but why not screw the whole system that you ever so often claim as "a fucked-up democracy constitution" from inside the system itself? Seriously, it is pointless ain't it? You're living off the benefits that's being offered to you by the ones you accused of such redundant accusations. Chances of me being politically incorrect about this whole thing is highly likely as I don't fancy politics for its swindling schemes frequently screwing up most missions of good deeds. Action does speaks louder than words but it also might work against you. Be nice.

My campus was chosen to be the host for the Merdeka celebration for the whole of Middle Perak (Sounds Tolkien-ish eh?). Rationally, it should be something that has been the talk of the town prior to it but surprisingly, not even a word mentioned about it until the day before the actual event took place. Funny. I guess that's what happen when your mind's set to be back home. No amount of persuasion will ever make you think thrice. Despite that almost half of the student population in campus went home for the long weekend, the turnout for last night's event was pretty awesome. Of course, if it was'nt for the public attendence the whole thing would be another compulsory campus affair. But I would like to applaud my fellow campus mates not only for their support, but also for their co-operation in making the whole thing a smooth sail to the end.

Before the whole thing kicked off, me, Amir, Am & Afiq had a round of drink in Bukit Aman. We proceeded to the venue (UiTM's un-maintained field) as soon as we saw that everyone was rushing their way through. As usual, they could'nt possibly held the whole thing much to the favor of us students in terms of the programmes offered. The whole night was generally scattered with repertoire of old Malay traditional songs. You know, the usual suspects. We have the Kurak Kundi for starters, and to be later added with a few karaoke moments by the campus officials and officers from other government bodies, but luckily it ended with the Art Dancers refreshing rendition of this season's blockbuster movie theme song, Asmaradana. Tuan Syed was one of the campus official to steal the spotlight. He recieved thunderous applause and high-pitched shrieks from the girls. Unfortunately the applause was apparently too much as his rendition of an unfamiliar Malay oldies hit did'nt make a decent impact. He could probably be having a slight flu that night. But they do save the best for last. A few perfomances after that, it was the big man on campus' turn to shine the night (Not with his 'shiny' head, mind you). Our dear Campus Director belted out Intan Payung with ease. It was quite a dissapointment to me for I very much prefer for him to sing that Pasir Roboh song. Funny that, the moment he went on stage, the image of Billy Corgan clad in baju batik singing M. Daud Kilau's Cek Mek Molek came to mind. I giggled at myself silently. I have to say that both Billy Corgan and our dear Campus Director do have an uncanny resemblance in a way.

But the much-anticipated performance of the night was surely the debut appearance by the newly established Kugiran UiTM. Adam was suppose to sing a song or two but he backed out due to the 'crappiness' of the rest of the bandmates. Fuzzy on the other hand went AWOL about the whole thing even before they started practising. I don't know about the rest but I'm surely dissapointed by their rendition of both Aku Cinta Kau Dan Dia & Antara Anyir Dan Jakarta. But I was'nt surprised. It was expected. I mean, judging by their practice session that I attended, with the amount of effort they spill in, they're going nowhere despite the fact that these guys are regarded as 'veterans' in the campus's music network. Zhaf was again proven right about the rhythm gutarist. He's crappy. And he can't be any crappier to the fact that their slot was briefly delayed since his amp went all cranky. Besides the need of improving their musicianship, their wardrobe needs attention too. Their female vocalist dressed in a Moulin Rouge-like outfit singing Antara Anyir Dan Jakarta in front of the VIP's. Reminded me of a usual scene in a dangdut pub. To make her look humiliating in the eyes of many, she did'nt memorize the lyrics and her nervous vocals did'nt help either. I believe the reason why the Kugiran received the applause is that those who cheer for them are mostly friends of theirs so by shouting their names or calling out their nicknames would make them look cool or, they're glad that the horrid is finally over. I personally choose the latter reason solely for myself.

So then came countdown time. Except for Afiq, the three of us went in and join the rest of the crowd in the middle of the field for the moment to finally come. It was a very high-spirited moment for all of us. Heh. Amir was clearly dissapointed for the absence of fireworks. Maybe next year bro, maybe next year. So after a few patriotic songs, we left the scene and headed back to our block since they've prepared a little feast for the students. I knew it. The number that has made me wondered all night about its origin is Fuzzy's home number. So after a few times, I managed to answer her call. Everything sounded quiet at the end of the other line. And my instincts were proven right again. She apparently claim that she's not in the mood to celebrate. A few moments later and our conversation ended with the usual goodbyes.

Today's Tuesday being at its boredom best. Spent the whole thing doing absolutely nothing other than writing this piece of mind. Actually I should be preparing myself for IMK tomorrow since we're the first group to present. But I'm still very much attached with the whole spontaneous thing. Wish me luck folks. It's always needed.

Be nice & happy hunting everyone.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Snucker, Snucker...

*This blog's title is actually a written pronunciation for snooker in Kelantanese. The most over-used phrase during the Family Tag. Memorable indeed.

So it has ended. The Family Tag goes down as one of the highlights of this semester. It wasn't as grandeur as we would hope it to be but it was memorable. The sight of every single one of us clad in the ugliest shirt ever in UiTM Perak (It's in PCK-yellow. Reminded us of Peringan. We hate Peringan) was euphoric. The idea of escorting En. Hatta to the field by fetching him up with Arip Wando's Vespa leading a number of scooters was cute but the fact that he rode it himself to the field made it cheekily fun. He can be such a sport albeit his unfavoured yet sometimes charismatic persona.

Spotted Fuzzy amongst her fellow mates in the main tent. I would'nt want to sound stalker-ish or being the one pointing out silly little things but coincidently we donned the same colour of track bottoms and shoes except that hers is a khaki/slack and her shoes has white stripes. Well, we Virgoes do unite after all. But sadly she had to leave for home hours before the break. Have you hugged a tree for me? I'm still suspicious of her not being the choreographer for the aerobics. The moves were very obvious. Which reminded me of a prank the guys pull out on Remy and Yusra. It goes like this:

Ucapan seterusnya adalah dari Remy kepada Yusra, dengan ucapan, "Mantap sungguh senamanmu tadi". Diringi dengan lagu, "Bump, Bump, Bump" dari B2K

Fit was the culprit. Who else? But the funniest dedication of the day came from Cedek.

Ini pula adalah ucapan daripada Ahmad Samidon Bin Abdul Hamid, Pegawai Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri Perak, "Sudahkah anda menjelaskan cukai pintu?" yang ditujukan kepada kesemua penghuni-penghuni blok yang mempunyai pintu bilik mahupun almari. Lagunya adalah "Kau Kunci Cintaku" dari Ramlah Ram

That made everyone in the organizer's camp burst into hysterical laughter.

Everyone was waiting patiently for the favourite event. The Tug-Of-War. We have to at least get something since now we have the full-force and to also redempt our humiliating lost for two consecutive semesters. I did'nt expect to be called up as the prime target for the anchor since Bob's there as well. But due to his tendency of easily contracting muscle cramps, I was instantly tied at the back and all I could do is wish for the best. We effortlessly beat the Part 5's with only a bit of struggle that according to the guys, it was purposely staged for entertainment purposes. Fine. But the real shit was the Part 4's. They have Azam and Mr. My-hand-is-as-big-as-an-actual-anchor as their heroes. We eventually lost the finals but not before putting up a good fight. It was the best game of my life so far. We took home the silver medals with pride. We came in third by overall performance trailing behind runner-up Part 5 and the champs, Part 4. Kudos goes to those who is directly or indirectly involved in the making of this semester's Family Tag. Bob & co., you guys are the bees knees.

Later that night me and the rest of the 3B boys went out for dinner at an unnamed restaurant nearby Tropika Tomyam. The moment we sat down, I had flashbacks of me and arwah Ayah and the rest having our usual weekly dinner at Bulan in Kg. Subang. God I miss him. I did out of the blue spoke to Razi about how my life right now is on the rocks. He felt likewise too. Violent rocking.

I'm typing this with my aching arm muscles. The after-effect of yesterday's battle of the brutes. BEL was boring as they were only 8 of us. The rest of course, back home celebrating Merdeka with their loved ones. I almost missed class caused by oversleeping due to the exhausting wekend I had. I was so much in a rush that I did'nt realize that I had my tootbrush neatly placed in my shirt pocket. Only realized it during BEL when the boys pointed it out. Amusing.

I'll be surely left alone this Merdeka since the boys are going elsewhere. Nowhere fast. Happy Merdeka, be nice & happy hunting everyone.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Stitch by sticth, lust for lust....

Take me out, tonight,
Because I want to see people and I want to see light.
Driving in your car, oh please don't drop me home,
Because it's not my home, it's their home and I'm worth no more.

This stanza from The Smiths' There Is A Light That Never Goes Out has been subconciously mumbled by me repeatedly. Got to hand it to Morissey for writing such hopeless lyric.

This is it. Weekend. What more could I do than just killing time waiting for another turbulent week to finally come around in two days time? Well maybe there's an exception this weekend since the Family Tag's on Sunday. By the by, Seven Collar T-Shirt's interview went on swell 'till the wee hours of the morning. Luckily MGT was cancelled (Get well soon En. Hud. We miss you) so I could basically stay up 'till 4 a.m. just so I could listen to the studio yet un-mastered version of "The Summary". When these guys perform their new songs live, they sounded too good to be true. But listening to "The Boo Hoo Rah Theory" and "The Summary" on radio, they sounded proficiently raw. Meaning, the much-anticipated studio engineered lush isn't there but it offers something different. Something pristine. Yeah, they do sound pristine on record. Duan's vocal sounds quite far apart from Freeway, Dreaming & Broke and even his live delivery of the new songs. But this is said judging by the un-mastered version, mind you. Let's wait for the final product. Asked them a couple of questions via text. Even got one for Jeff, their producer and engineer. My guts were proven right. Ham texted me saying Question power ha. Heh. Me being my kiddie self. Always full of curiosity.

Thanks a zillion Boy! Thanks to you my Lappie's hard drive is at the lowest minimum space available. 4 Gigs! But since my MP3 and video collection has expanded massively, I ain't complaining. No, I did'nt. Did I?

Here's the newest addition in my Lappie.

MP3's:

American Analog Set - Promise Of Love

....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead - The Secret Of Elena's Tomb and a whole bunch of old songs prior to Source Tags & Codes

Cocteau Twins - Stars And Topsoil (1982-1990)

Flying Saucer Attack - 12 tracks from various releases.

Hopesfall - 21 tracks form various releases.

Ladytron - 26 tracks from various releases.

Lush - Split

Mogwai - Ten Rapid

Pavement - 16 tracks from various releases.

Polythene - This Life Cumulative EP

Ride - The Best Of Ride

My Bloody Valentine - Isn't Anything and various EP's and demos.

Ryan Adams - Rock & Roll and Gold

The Breeders - 9 tracks from various releases.

The Cardigans - Long Gone Before The Daylight


Videos:

Alexisonfire - Counterparts And Number Them

....And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead - Another Morning Stoner, Another Morning Stoner (Live On Craig Killborn)

Coldplay - Shiver

Deftones, Incubus & Adam Sandler - Drive Far (Away)

Denali - Hold Your Breath

Hot Hot Heat - Bandages

Longwave - Tidal Wave

Mogwai - Summer, Dial: Revenge

Motion City Soundtrack - My Favourite Accident

Pretty Girls Makes Graves - Speakers Push The Air

Radiohead - Pyramid Song

The Rapture - House Of The Jealous Lovers (Live On Kimmel)

Again, thanks to Boy for all of the mentioned additions above. I'm currently high on Denali. They're the best thing to me since My Vitriol. Has a pretty lass as a singer. Mogwai's collabo with Gruff Rhys from Super Furry Animals (By the way, he was credited to have written the song. Not Mogwai), "Dial: Revenge" is pretty slow-pace, intensively dramatic. No wonder DDA was once being compared to them. I don't know why but when it comes to referring to a post-rock band as a refference, I'll only refer to Mogwai if they're the last musical collective in the whole universe. Sounds drastic ain't it? I just don't know why.

Since MGT was cancelled today, there's only BEL in my way for another Bote weekend. Post-Friday prayer, went straight away to the comp. lab in Ye Ol' FSPU for labbing but only to find it's not open for the evening. Bumped into Adam & Zhaf on my way to the very unreliable faculty comp. lab. Closed too. Shit. Lastly we opted for the library's crappy PC infested comp. lab. After spending a solid 2 hours, I left the building. It rained. I was feeling restless. I have to do something.

"Maybe walking in the rain would'nt be a bad idea."

It was'nt. It felt great. Even took a few snaps around campus. I love it when it rains. The scenery is simply stunning. With dark clouds lingering in the sky, it tends to enhance the backdrop view making it the best time ever to capture a moment. Now I know why I did the walking. I was feeling empty. Again. Nowadays snapping pictures seems to be a form of relaxation to me. And I often take photos of dark, slightly 'moody' clouds leaving a bit of the bottom space of the picture for anything else below it to create a contrast. An ironic statement. Hey yeah, I've been self-loathing too much these days. As Corey said it, "Fuck me! I'm all out of enemies!, Fuck me! I'm all out of enemas!"

End. Be nice and happy hunting everyone.

I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Giddy

Soon when all of this is over, we would look back over our shoulders thinking 'what if?'. Don't ever end it.

Yesterday was generally a very warm affair. IMK was kinda okay. I actually studied the night before for the test with the guys. Though it was overnight, it was more than it should've been. For the 1st time ever, the class was all rickety and happy during MGT. We were later informed that En. Hud took the day off. So off we go to the comp. lab for labbing.

So after I'm done labbing and stealing (Stole a newspaper from the shoe racks at the comp. lab. Whomever you may be, I'm sorry), went to Uptown to meet Fuzzy.

"It's alright. I'm okay, I'm okay."

Those were the first words she spoke. Alhamdulillah. But despite the assurance, I'm still in doubt. A few glimpse at the present I gave her, we then strolled to Ye Ol' FSPU where she was told to be at for the Kugiran UiTM thingie, which she hesitated at first. But too bad that I'm there, so there goes her hesitancy down the drain. We were like 'lost souls' at first since the exact location of the meeting place is not given. But after a few evasions from Ust. Hasbullah, we eventually found the place. They were setting things up (Urghh. They're using everything Yamaha. From the bass, to the guitars and drums. Behringer amps is a decent choice but it works best for outdoor purposes. I'm only pleased that they chose to use Sabian Solar cymbals. Affordable and good. All this whining is a result of spending my long holidays with Mokh & Efry too much) so we decided to continue our usual conversation at the nearby cafe. Our innocent conversation came to a point where last night's incident was brought up. She weeped twice.

....

....

"Come on. Save the remaining crying hours for another day"

That's all I could say. So I'm in doubt for a reason. Obviously, a day to get over things like that is nearly impossible. And to be reminded about it again will surely result in tears running down the aisle of even the cheeriest facade. Perhaps I was to blame as well...

After we waited long enough, news came in. The meeting WAS about setting things up. Well apparently since En. Halim's not there, we took off instantly. On our way back we bumped into the most sweet looking couple of all time. Jan & Syara. Would love to see what they'll be wearing for the dinner. They have a reputation for synchronizing their attires & costumes. After trading a few warm smiles and cheeky gestures, we parted ways.

Later that night the birthday girl texted me thanking for the present. Glad that she's happy about it. After replying her text I was struck by a feeling of extreme exhaustion that I decided to call it a day. It was not even Isyak yet. Instead, it was only just a dreamless cat nap. Was aweken by *surprise, surprise* Alia (Happy birthday Auntie!). I was puzzled at first since her voice has an uncanny resemblence with that of Li except for the tone aspect. Asked me wheather I'll be back for the Fahrenheit 9/5 gig. Wait a minute, even begged me to! Too bad. Faculty's dinner is on the same weekend. Sorry dear. And you too Ham. Sorry I can't make it bro. But maybe crossing fingers might work this time as well *hint, hint*.

Yay! DDA's spanking new "Dream" is the newest schmaltz in my Lappie (Thanks Amir. Muchos gracias amigo.). It sounds like what the boys of Furniture are doing now. But as Ronnie himself oftenly claim, DDA is in their own league. Untouchable, true. Check out Noisemonkies Ver. 4.0. With Drones and Ape Kill Ape coming out real soon, I'm very confident that this time around our local urban music scene will finally get the much-deserved recognition from those outside of the circle currently thanks to these two in the zone bands. Both bands previous debut outing is merely an ambiguous attempt to seek for their main forte. Their cuppa tea. Now, they're much more focused, much more bolder, and way wiser. Let the fans and critics drool...

-Happy 19th Haida-

Today was very ordinary. Yes, it's Haida's 19th today. I slept almost halfway during LAW without even worrying that I might get busted for it. I was anyway. Luckily the punishment was only using me and Afiq as examples for both 'drawer' and 'payee' respectively. FAR was all spic and span and we ended earlier than usual.

Do catch Seven Collar T-Shirt's live interview at 0100 hours on RED104.9. They will also be premiering their new single.

Done. Be nice and happy hunting everyone.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Sad You Down

I'm having my brighter times these days I suppose. Virgos unite.

It's always the case when I'm out there in the sun, the one's I cherish tends to get stuck in the tarp. It's always vice versa. Jehan unexpectedly gave me a miss call yet again. Sensing there's something odd, I texted her since she mentioned a few days back that she's having trouble with her studies. She feels she's lagging behind everyone else. So this time around, yes. It's the same shit. I do hope that she'll do well as she desires. She deserves it for being her determined self.

-Happy 19th Fuzzy-

CheerMeUp

God. I'm really worried about her. Wished her happy burstday on text last night and it ended up to be another Y!-ish session albeit this time, the shit's drop dead serious. I don't know how and why but I somehow felt weird that she didn't reply my earlier miss calls. Maybe last night explains it all. She's not the only one guilty for the whole 'faking it' part. I'm doing it. Yes, the after-effect is emotionally crushing but being who I really am, it's not easy for me to blurt out my conflicts each time it occurs. Mum's the word. Maybe that explains why most of the time I'm being regarded as someone very dependable, someone in the path of success. And that doesn't help at all. All in all, just so you'd know, I'm always here for you Fuzzy. Always. God-willing.

I did mention to a friend once that I'm always attracted or seems attractive to those with crisis. It's not that I mind people pouring their shits at me (Not literally, mind you). I don't mind at all. It's the least I can do to repay the value of our friendship. Too bad it's usually not a two-way thingie. When I listen to theirs I tend to forget my own. That's the 'best' part of it I presume. Their experiences have a greater influence rather than mine in my songs. And I tend to get myself very deeply involved in it. I guess that explains why it is hard for me to write lite-hearted songs. Often being questioned by Amir for that.

You can be angry with anything, but you can't be happy with everything

I'll always remember that. Thanks Ayah.

So, here's to the winding road ahead of us all. Happy hunting everyone.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Oh...

What Planet Are You From?


this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

Finally We Are No One...

So this is the depth of your fraud heart,
A fool like me can fall easily,
Like a dreamer,
A hopeless dreamer...

Dengan setulus kudus, jiwa terurus,
Sayunya hati yang telah kau benci,
Terubat sudah,
Raksa terindah...

Which one suits best? In the middle of working on another potential ditty. A pretty soaringly bombast one so far. Again, could easily pass as an Elbow tune. It's been sometime since I listen to them but the feel/influence has never been this crucial. This obvious.

Hafeez texted me on Saturday on his way to Music Magic (Dude, you should ask Alia next time. That place is her experimental playground) for recommendations. So he took Mum's Summer Make Good and The Walkmen's 9.2/10 Pitchfork rated latest offering, Bows And Arrows back to his den. So ecstatic for him.

My Saturday night took an interesting turn when Afiq decided to have a drink at Teropika Tomyam. Well, he had a drink all right. I ended up having a jumbo watermelon juice, a teh tarik and US of A' s very own fried rice. (They eat rice?). Worth the dough. Had quite a blast entertainig the antics of Abe Klate Bengong, the restaurant's waiter and resident jester. Highly friendly. We love him. Squeezed some credit cents texting with Fuzzy while she was having dinner with her entourage in Bote Kanan. So now you're in love with orang utan la? How about the unhopping bunnee me? Tsk, tsk.

Last night we recorded Dewa's and Gigi's live outing during Konser 2 Negara on Razi's PC. It turned out brilliant. I can't get out Gigi's Indo rock grandiose out of my head. Especially the frantic bridge part. And I was mesmerised by Budjana's stoned-face, minimal body movements albeit the crushing riffs he churned out during that particular part that sends Armand into teetering shooks of orgasmic stage franticsism that looks like Pinocchio high on fairy dusts. Seru bangat...

Actually I'd like to bitch about those bitches in class about BEL's Speaking Test namelist. But I'll save my bitching for someother time, for someother bitch by concluding, "Fuck Off, Twats".

So back to dorm. Lunch time. Be nice and happy hunting everyone.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you.-

" ....all these years and you were nothing but an empty seat to me..."

Hidupku tanpa cintamu,
Bagai malam tanpa bintang.....

That was from Dewa's Risalah Hati. Their best piece to date. No, it's not directed to a certain someone but I guess that answered Fuzzy's question earlier on of my well-being. Her MGT trip's tomorrow. And she's in the next lab. Dey, you've just recovered from a fever. Go and grab a good rest la.

Oh, had tea with her. Okay, no beverages involved. But a pack of kuachi and two bars of chocolate does count, no? Saw her in between classes this morning. Caught her playing come-fly-with-me with Ika. Trippy. For once I felt empty. She did most of the talking (Not that it's something new) while I pondered elsewhere. Showboated her Pedro to me (Seriously, change his name to Joko la. How about Samidon Hamid? Sounds Spanish to you?) and I tend to agree that he's a cute kitty albeit looking very expensive. I wonder if he will inherit your curly locks. A thought indeed.

Flashback: No one wake me up for Friday prayers! I'm miffed! Not that I'm blaming anyone for that matter but why am I left out? Sheesh. Going to Lata Kijang without bothering to invite me is okay but Friday prayers? Come on. MGT was swell as always. We were the only presentation group that presented fully in English and clocked nearest to the given time frame. I still dislike Adam and Co.'s lenghty presentation albeit their comprehensive material. Buying time with lame intros ain't your strong suit my friend. I was very sleepy and dredgy during BEL that I had to fake being awake. Thank God it ended quite early.

So I'm done for the week. Maybe. Happy hunting everyone.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Things that go bump in the night.....

Got this from Li. Thanks dear.

the scar you're most proud of	The one on my right wrist. Kemahiran Hidup fun gone awry.
your favourite condiment	hmm.. cardamom?
if you have freckles	I'm Archie Andrews
your preferred method of cooking	Suma taroH!
what shoes you're wearing	My overrated, Seattle-vibe, PCK-yellow Converse.
how many children you have	55 and counting. PooF! Lost count.
the first person you french kissed	Mila Jovovich. A poster.
your preferred breed of dog	Do they have a 'hop' breed? I would love to se a hopping puppy.
where you were born	GH, KL, M'sia.
what colour underwear you're wearing	Can't answer that. Wearing none.
where your keys are right now	My trusty cargo's right pocket.
if you have split ends	Just let them be. I love split ends. Reminds me of my twisted self.
when you last got laid	Ermm... Anyone?
your opinion on airline food	They should give the tender to McD.
what cosmetic surgery you would consider	Consider this. Would you rather spend your dough on that or on someone you care about? Your pet hamster perhaps? Buy him a bigger cage or get him laid?
best kiddie playground equipment to have sex on	The slide. Start fucking form the top and you're done by the time the ride's over. No Viagra required.
your worst malady	You tell me.
if your mum loves your dad	I'd be having asam pedas all year round.
if you can sing well	William Hung can hang himself. I'd personally set the stage for him.
what your olympic event would be	Beach volleyballs. I have these things with balls and beaches...
someone you admire	None. I've been dissapointed countless times. So admire me.
which country would be hardest for you to locate on a map	Vatican City
the last time you cried	Ayah's funeral
your most interesting sexual congress location	Ali Berkat. While having Roti Sardin. Fishy and kinky.
part of the Sunday papers you read first	Pancaindera. Grew up with it.
the languages you speak	English, Malay, a bit of Bugis and Manglish
the religion you were raised in	Islam
if you can draw well	I'd give Frygard a serious run for his money.
your favourite photograph	The one I took after class just now. Had it embedded as my wallpaper. A perfect ironic statement.
what you should be doing instead of this	Blogging. What else?
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Cynically Dysfunctional Sarcastic Eeriness

Noisemakers, feast your underrated ears on this. The Apes are back. Fans of the brilliant outfit across the straits, dig out this interview.

There hasn't been many moments like this in my life as of late. I was awaken from my afternoon nap by total, complete silence. I can't sleep for I am too accustomed to noisy environments. This is becoming annoying. My eyes are heavy yet these fingers of mine can't stop typing.

This week so far has seen me in a very confident yet delusional form. I appear as composed as ever but feeling really shambolic inside. It's indescribable but I'm rejoicing every single moment. With the IXUS now with me, being a snap happy, dysfunctional pop tart has never been any better. Been making short clips of our daily exploits here in Bote. Even during lectures. I guess watching Fahrenheit 9/11 (Thanks Fai) sparked the documentation interest. It turned out pretty swell so far. Got to get myself the 256MB SD card. Enormous amount of affordable storage space turns me on.

Texting with Alia seems to be a daily routine for me these days. Trading fingers for crossing luck with fate is a good start I suppose before moving on a much higher template. I guess she talked me into this. A possible collaboration of some sort. She persuaded me in insinuation albeit being very direct. It's yet to be official but things are looking pretty neat so far. Besides the usual persuasion routine, she's busy stalking her current potential. And news came in that she's succeded the 1st phase according to a reliable source. Casual engagement underway soon.

Since day one of post-mid-term break, Fuzzy's medically down. Heh. Have been demanding me to cheer her up. She's already very cheerful. What more could I do? But I did'nt gave up. The same goes to Atikah. Texted her my usual text for the unwell. Thanked me twice for being caring. In text and in class. You're much welcomed. Felt wierd though...

I can't remember when but during one solitude night, I received a miss call from someone totally unexpected. It was Jehan. Surprised? Yeah, me too. So I thought of returning the favor last night. She responded instantly! That's very not her. She was once a prominent name in my list of daily miss calls during those days but was never responsive unlike others. So I decided to text her asking of her well being. She's missing Bote a hell lot. Maybe it's because of the study pressure. People tend to get back to their past if the present is too much of a burden. Too bad she can't make it for the Family Tag next week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Classes were okay today. LAW is as redundant as usual and thankfully FAR was there to save the day of which during lecture Hafeez texted me commenting on DDA taking a funny route and trying hard not to sound like Mogwai. Now, posting this in the ever-over crowded lab (this is written in my room) while listening to DDA's "Dream" (click the link above), I'm mesmerised. I disagree with you my friend. Amir tagged along but then bumped into Nadia and Purr.

Got to go. I've nothing else to blurt out. Happy hunting everyone.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

A Whisper Through A Megaphone.....

I did'nt include this during my time at Playworks because I was writing under pressure. There's the time limit to meet, the open atmosphere that gave me an impression of a reverse-claustrophobia, and I was 'watched' (By passer-bys).

In between writing and publishing my last entry I managed to squeeze some moments for both Mawar and Fuzzy. So there goes my BK treat down the drain. Fuzzy has decided to call it off and opted for the choco treat instead. When? That remains to be seen. As usual. Pity her that she's having pre-fever. Hopefully she recovers soon. It has been sometime since I last heard from Mawar. I was lucky enough that I caught her online yesterday. Good to know that she's okay. But apparently she's hating someone and I'm glad that someone's not me. Haha. Well, hope things will be cleared soon for her sake. Next month's our 19th birthday. 32 days and counting. I'm afraid I'm not able to be there in JB to celebrate it with her. Gruff.

While I was deeply immersed in the AF finals, (You the man Zahid, you the man.) the phone buzzed and I was greeted by an unfamiliar voice that at the same time, used that same familiar phrase that has been lingering in my ears for quite sometime now. It was Li (Cue mad violins!!). She texted me earlier on during the gig saying that she stumbled upon two precious things. The Observatory's Time Of Rebirth and Music Exchange. She got it for RM26. You're really bad at bargaining aren't you? Haha. So she thought of giving me a thank-you call for the recommendation, among other things. Nice to know that her maha-bonda is fine and funny to know that she has to remind her every single day about every single thing. Very 50 First Date-ish. Cherish it while she's still around Li, cherish it. One thing about her is that, apart form the fact that her mum went for an AFUNDI-splurge that has left her phone credit-less in less than 30 minutes (Now that's hillarious) is that she has this intoxicating laugh that's irresistable. Dragged me along to laugh out loud as well. Now that's very hard to come across these days. Afterwards, spent the rest of the night texting with Alia. It seems that she requires my assistance for her school project but unfortunately I can't make it. Would love to see how that turn out to be. Offered herself a lending hand in case I'm in search for an extra collaborator specializing in cello and classical/jazz piano. Neat. Maybe she's far better than me at guitar since she started much, much younger (at that age, 11, I'm still busy with my Dragon Ball card collection and my Game Boy). We then thought it's time to hit the sack. Not together, mind you.

Well, after some overdue packing and a few shouts from Ibu for my untimely delay, we're off to Bote. Not before breakfast at Mama Norma's (Nasi Ayam for breakfast? Huh?!) and a pause at Mak Ngah's for lunch.

The reason why Ibu decided to drive me back this time around is that so I could meet Atok. Tapah, during my childhood was the best place to be come school holidays. With my cousins running around the house, uncle's and auntie's joking about, Atok and Acu preparing laksa, it's arguably one of the best times of my life. But after Ayah's passing, and a few typical Malay arguments over harta has soared our already hypocritical-relationship. It was very depressive since we were already being somewhat 'deserted' since we lived outside of Perak and then shit happened. Being only 16 at that time, I was full of rage and wrath that I called Atok on the phone, yelled at her and slammed the phone to the wall smashing it to smithereens. I know. That's very Tenggang of me but she and Mamak Mi made Ibu cried for their bad remarks and all that revolves around Ayah's harta. The same thing happened to Mak Ngah and family after the demise of Pak Ngah circa 3 years ago. We were'nt a wealthy family but we do live comfortable enough to not rely on the help of others. I can't stand the sight of Ibu crying. It recalled the tough times we had when we first moved to Subang when I was barely 9. We were practically alone. I could weep just by the thought of it. Fuh. That was some trip down the memory lane. That was then. Now every single crack's trying to fit the puzzle and I'm not doing anything about it. Maybe I'm still viciously disturbed by the friction caused by the stormy arguments. I believe that I still can't forgive them and I'm being good at pretending that I did. The moment we arrived at the porch of the house, everything went silent. I mean everything. After a couple of Assalamualaikums, Atok came to the door clad in telekung. Apparently she's mengaji-ing. I gave her a few Ni sape ni? moments of her own before I introduced myself. She's too young to be senile. I blame that wholy on me. Apart from my facial changes, it is my fault that I don't go back to Tapah or even give her a call that often. That explains the whole Ni sape ni? scene. She cried the moment she looked in my eyes. Bugger. She still sees Ayah in me. Surely I have an uncanny resemblence of him but it was okay at first. When I was a naive, sick chasm. Nowadays it's becoming a burden to me. Following his footsteps has been one of the things that is expected of me. Though we share the same DNA, we're two very different person. Being father-less at a tender age of 9 did'nt help either. I grew up with no one to look up to.

After tea, we left Tapah for Bote without looking back. It'll be until the next Raya for me to set foot again there.

Ah, Bote. My home for almost 2 years now. Home, bored home. They've changed my room's door knob and took the liberty of locking it up. Thanks a lot. Now I'm roomless. Lucky Razi's around. Will be bunking in his room for a day or two perhaps. Amir will be joining too.

So my holiday was unexpectedly a really 'colorful' affair this time around....

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Aftermath...

Well, here's the performance review by some bands that I managed to catch during the Sunway College gig. Still regretted that I missed Love Me Butch. Shit.

This Body Broken - Love their current line-up with Warren taking up vocal duties. They're no longer the same band that I witnessed last in No Black Tie. Alas, they've made it on my list of favours. They sounded more 'mature' in terms of craftsmanship and band dynamics. I only managed to catch their last two songs. But it was more than enough for me to feel grateful and give every single one of them a big hug. Hug? Yeah right. Warren's the next Jonas Bjerre (of Mew's fame) with his child-like vocal musings. Ronnie from Furniture fell in love with it.

Sgt. Weener Arms - These lot of jambu halflings, or Hobbits as their peers claim them to be, has always been a crowd favourite for those who seek 'Music For The 22nd Century Yuppies'. Only caught the ever-quizically zany "Traque". They deserve a smack at the head for not releasing any recorded material to date. Lopong kicks arse and he kicked hard.

Furniture - So it was destined that these guys were to play moments after the rain subsided. The mood suits perfectly. Was impressed by their plethora of expensive gadgets that churns out otherwordly tones. These guys must either be filty rich bastards or they snatch for a living. This was my 1st time seeing them as Furniture. Caught them 1st as R.U.S.H during their last gig as R.U.S.H during this year's Chinese Indie Fest before changing to a moniker that reminds me of Kemahiran Hidup. They were fabulous then, fucking brilliant now. They could be more polite if they introduce each song after another. The ones I only knew were "Please" & "Chasing Tipperary". Their rendition of the latter R.U.S.H crowd-favourite hit could've been much better if the monitors did'nt go all cracky. They made my day when they played this particular song that according to Efry, resembles my Kedamaian riff. Almost sent me to tears. It was all in all, an ethereal experience.

Seven Collar T-Shirt - Seeing Ham being assist up on stage since he's still very much 'attached' with his crutch is a sight of both pity and funny. He does'nt look like a person that attracts symphaty and yet despite his usual self of being a blabbing joker whenever he has the chance to do so, his face tells quite the contarary. Oh just quit it, Ham. No AFUNDIs for you. My AFUNDI is for the band and the band only. They were downright explosive! Jeremy from Prana's producing their upcoming LP and so he's their resident sound engineer and I reckon he did a fab job regardless the monitor malfunction during the soundcheck. They started off with a song that is very new yet very familiar and close to my heart. 'The Summary" is definitely this year's 'Alternative Anthem for 2004'. It beats 'The Boo Hoo Rah Theory" hands down. I was quite pissed that they did'nt played the temporarily-titled "Qasidah". Last heard during Malam Pesta Muda Mudi. My 1st time seeing Adil behind the drumkit replacing Mokh. He's a nice dude. Although lacking the likes of Mokh's creamy tones, Adil 'out-rocked' Mokh on "Chemicals". You the man Adil, you the man. Seven Collar T-Shirt are now perceived by me as the 'scariest' band around. Just listen to their new ditties! It's scary I tell you. And for that, I love them.

That's all folks. Enjoy your dose of empathy and be nice.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Boo Hoo Rah

You are as shallow as you can be, as hollow as a tree, and as dead as my dad.
Okay, That was crap.

The visit to UH felt like a school field trip since Izzat's mum drove us in their accident-prone, school bus-like Estima. Amy tagged along as well. She, like everyone else except me and Auntie, dozed all the way.

It's a delightful sight to see Din's weary smile the moment we walked in. He's only accompanied by his mum. Seeing a small steel shaft drilled to his right leg left everyone in a remorseful awe. Not that I'm being Mr. Fearless but it was honestly normal to me. He was requested by the others to retold the tale of the terrible mishap so many times that I lost count. Not for long, we were later joined by Anthony, Najwan & Hazim. It's been ages since I met those brainy chaps. They seem well-composed and professionaly in the zone compared to the schmuck me.

A light snack and a major traffic hold-up later, we're right in the middle of Sunway College's sports field for the gig. Just as This Body Broken were through with their set, the sky went falling. It rained and it poured.

We went in the campus premises to scrouge for food but we failed in our attempt. Came back and Sgt. Weener Arms were almost done with theirs. Yay! They played Teraque! Furniture was as dreamy as usual, but then came Ham and co. They rocked like there's no tomorrow! Too bad thy're pushing the date again for the release of their much-anticipated single. After that we went for lunner (as Fuzzy said it) at Pyramid's Star's Archery.

So no more AFUNDIs after tonight. Tonight's the showdown. I'll be missing Jonny and Jenny......

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

"You're a tragedy starting to happen......."

Surprisingly I was allowed to wake up at 11 a.m. without being harrased by Ibu. Later I found out that she was asleep as well. Like mother, like son. Hoho.

Without realizing it was Friday the 13th, I felt this morning that I'm waiting for a news that I won't be pleased about. Just as I were gearing up for lunch and Friday prayers, Izzat gave me a buzz. A very disturbing one. Din met with a teribble accident in Ipoh. The plan was for me and Izzat to drive all the way there but we were informed just now that he's been tranffered to UH. That's where we'll be heading first thing in the morning.

Met Fuzzy on YM while I was publishing my entries in Hyper. She left a heartfelt comment on one of my recent entries. It was a very I-surrender-and-I-truly-apologise kinda comment. It's okay la Spanker. Be as you are. So come! 'Annoy' me some more! Haha. Kidding, mind you. Yay! I'm glad that I'm wrong about her being 'down' all these times. According to her entries and herself, she's enjoying the break like never before. I felt guilty after that since she cancelled her plans with Che and Fanna just so we could have the BK session. And again I was being the culprit since the timing was'nt on my side. Had to run errands and was on standby then if Izzat's off to Ipoh that evening. Sorry ya? I'll make it up to you. Just wait and wait.

This entry is made in Shah Alam using Ashraf's spanking new iBook G4 at Aunt Ani's. Relieved that she's recovering. This iBook is neat! It took me a minute or so to get use to the features. This is my first time with an Apple notebook. It's all-white and I actually washed my hands just to make sure it is kept clean. Sheesh. It's reasonably priced since he bought it at a PC Fair but there's something extravagant I reckon about the USB mouse. It's RM200 for fuck's sake! I know it's slick and all in design terms but RM200 is just a sad excuse for me for a decent mouse. It's still cord-attached. So why the pricey price tag? God.

Thanks a lot for the CDs Efry! I owe you a bunch! Seven Collar T-Shirt's Malam Pesta Muda Mudi's 'live' footage is mine now. MINE!! Hahahahahaha!!!!

The Sunway gig kicks off tomorrow. Our second venue after UH. Hopefully it'll be fun.

-I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you-

Reciprocal Avenue 5

Imagine what a dose of tolerance will do to you. I need not to. I've been there.

Me and Hafeez stayed up 'till the wee hours of the morning (until 4:30 a.m. to be exact) eagerly working around the clock on a very Elbow-ish track, Hungry & Thirsty Diner. We decided to hit the sack as soon as we sense a writer's block coming up ahead. Collaborating with him has always been a smooth-sailing yet delicately complex modus operandi. Creative clashes are somewhat evident and spontaneaous but instantly resolved faster than you can say 'hogwash'. We were practically wasted for the rest of the morning but come noon, Jonsi has found his bow. He nailed it. We sectioned the song into 4 numericaly coded parts. Part 0 was the one that took us the longest to lay out. Hafeez's night-long twidlings with the Casio CTK-495 keyboard (Thanks E-Bub. We owe you one) finally paid off the morning after. After several trial and errors, the recorded version of Part 0 turned out to be a Sigur Rós-meets-Múm piece 'infested' with a dash of uninvited but much welcomed ambient soundscape that made us very ecstatic. With all the parts completed, everything else (i.e. bass lines, drum tracks) is laid to rest 'till our next meeting sometime soon perhaps. Gave him a copy of my under-progress, FruityLoops-generated piano ditty, InLove, MessedUp, Loveless. He might be able to finish it up.

After lunch, Izzat told me that I was required by Adam and co. to join them in their jam session at Mokh's (where else?) for the second time. Those guys are yet to be named. But since I'm being my nosy self, I took the liberty of naming them Reciprocal Avenue 5. Will inform them ASAP. Hopefully they like it. Not that I'm placing hopes but hey, if they refute, I'll have another possible moniker at my disposal then. After hooking them up, rigging the guitar, messing with the amp knobs and stuff, I left them with Izzat. Was'nt really concerned at first since Hafeez and me were discussing details on Hungry & Thirsty Diner in the other room. Sadly Mokh was'nt around. He could effortlessly give out useful pointers on how to enhance our recording technique. Heck, he may even volunteer to drum for the song. That would be an euphoric bliss. It's getting a bit repetitious and annoyingly redundant in the jam room since they're awfully new to this kind of music in terms of actually 'playing' it (it's EMO folks. Yes, they 'wanted' to play emo. Now you know why I chose Reciprocal Avenue 5?) although they're very well versed in the conceptual knowledge. So I decided to take a look but was 'forced' by Izzat and the band for a quick demo of what playing passionately looks and sounds like. As usual, being my unprepared self, everything was spontaneous. Strummed a few heart-wrenching chords and then it propelled into a blazing, distorted bombast galore ode to G-Sound Studios (the place where we started this whole 'acid trip'. Our place of girth) with the help of Izzat's a-beat-per-song thunder drumming that quite resembles the stuffs I did with Izham during a short stint with him months ago. Clocked around three and a half minutes. Sheer adrenaline rush. The others were speechless and seemed dumbfounded after that. If they hate it, nice. I'll have another song to work on then. Hehe.

Despite all that joyride, I can't get the thought out of my head that somehow Fuzzy's in deep shit. Let's pray that I'm wrong indefinitely. I felt somewhat 'guilty'. Much to it is because I'm afraid of not being there when needed. I don't want her to go lados each time shit happens. Hold up!! What the hell am I saying? Surely she's fine and well. Is she?

"Run, foreigner run...."

Slept at 6 a.m. the day before after a 2 movie-marathon. Was awakened by Hafeez's phone call. Yup. The pragmatic, ever-majestic Hafeez is back in town. The prophecy has landed.

He and Izzat came by and we had the usual mundane talks about everyday shits and other excrements there is. Then off to Berkat for lunch and surprisingly, met Fad there. She and her mates. Not the Berry clan, mind you.

By the way, met Fuzzy on YM. It's been a while. And crossing my fingers sure is'nt working. She had problems. With Shorty. Pity her. Anyways, the first quarter of the conversation is about her idea of me hooking up with Ika because apparently she just broke up with her steady and she thinks we're both compatible. As usual, I was not supportive of that motion. It seems quizically annoying. I'm not blaming Fuzzy for bringing that up but I felt really weird. The brief moments I spent with Ika during the recent Pangkor trip was deeply cherished by me because it seems that she has this subtle, vulnerable yet somewhat protective and self-respected kind of persona. And that somehow intrigues me in an odd way. She's really caring as evident on last Friday when she comforted Fuzzy. That earns her my respect and loyalty.

While I was entertaining Fuzzy, Jehan was on MSN. She had her problems too. I somehow felt very dearly sorry for her when she pours out all the pressure and whatnot that she's been facing so far. Life is peachy after all.

Back home me and Hafeez instantly talked on our current state of mind regarding our musical visions and again, sparks flew. We clicked spontaneaously since both of us thought that being sonically adventurous (i.e. post-rock, petrochemical rock, new-age noiseniks) won't do us any good for now. He decided to go all garage/indie ala The Falls and me with my "Ibunda-Pop". But when I burst out with a sing-able version of his lyric, "Hungry & Thirsty Diner", a newfound musical avenue struck us. We might do something along the lines of Elbow this time around. And thankfully, after listening to my rendition of "Hungry & Thirsty Diner", he's inspired again to write evocative, heartbreaking lyrics. Sweeeeetttt. He'll be spending the night at my place. We'll see how things take turns.

Am I living a shambolic life right now? Loose ends seems to show up in every direction.

Terago

Well today's sequence of events was for the 1st time this holiday, very much in favor of everyone.

The MPSJ Hypermedia Library cyber cafe-cum-study area has always been my generation's favorite dugout. Though not the entire batch, at least for the self-confessed, cyber-realm devoter like myself. I spent a whole RM10 on the internet alone. And another RM5 or so for lunch

Mission gridlock: Met Fai online and we 'single-handedly' did all the major fields to cover for our MGT215 assignment. We're only 3 thoughts apart from completion. This alliance has been very beneficial so far.

On my way back, along the same street that Izzat was sent to a blitzing, mad dash to the fore caused by a German Shephard owned by a Norwegian Schmuck (Old Mr. Olsen should keep his saliva-dripping, gate-busting mutt on a freakin' leash. That beast is what Voldermot is to the magic world. At least in the domestic canine league), Razi texted me informing that he and the rest of the 3B crew are on their way to my house. About time. After a brief but detailed sonic abuse on by Jagmaster, and an RM3 worth of goreng pisang topped later with thirst-quenching marquesa juice, all 6 of us drove off to Pyramid for a little tour of the mall. Had a round of bowling. Dammit, we lost. We (Me, Razi, & Afiq. Dubbed, 'Perakian') were winning but later to be denied by Adam's (also consisting Pa'e & Zhaf) double-strike during the last frame. Shit. A funny, happy shit. Everyone's happy and I could'nt be any happier. We ended the day with McD's sundeas in our hands. Olympic style & spirit. Haha. En route to Sg. Wang they dropped me off at my house and had a short ice-breaking session with Ibu. She seemed pleased with them. Alhamdulillah.

I need you. Whomever you may be. I need you.

Disconnection Notice

First thing's first: Feast your ears on this. Crazy shit.(That excludes you Li. You're responsible for this. Cue mad violins!! I don't know if you've heard of this lads before, but this is for you. Killer stuffs) Also a little something from Furniture. Check out these guys and other top-notch local outfits this Saturday at the free Sunway College Gig. Be there or be doomed. Click here for further info on the gig.

Had a bustling day. Went to Seafield for the usual how-are-you's with the juniors and former educators. Back at Izzat's with hope to finally access the net after 3 days of not doing so and only to find that the bill's overdue. Bummer. Had a crappy session at Mokh's joined by Farhan (A cuter, way slimmer, nerdy version of me. Funny that we share the same name), Usop, Adam, and Imran. I seriously need to sort myself out. I've made connections here and there but left it unconnected. It detached itself from me. After tea at Ehsan, we went for a round of rugby at USJ 2's very own Hyde Park. It was fucking exhausting. I'll trade the NS programme for rugby training anytime.

After a brief hot bath at home I decided to hit the sack and maybe a short nap before dinner would do me good. But I woke up at 3 in the a.m. instead only to find myself feeling Somalian-hungry. Walked to Maju for a quick but heavy supper then I'm now here blogging.

Afiq & Razi is at Zhaf's place. As usual, Zhaf's idea of entertaining his guests is first to drag them to Uptown 'till the wee hours of the morning. Have fun guys. Play safe.

I've been bombarded by a barrage of emo stuffs by Farhan & co. This is too much. I just needed a break. Not a breakdown.

Fuzzy, how come there's no news from you? We have less then a week before the Bote Impact. Houlaf....

Chemical Romance....

Huargggghhhh..... God I miss my sheet-less mattress.

Bought some additions to my ever-insufficient wardrobe. Neat threads. Suits the evening in Telawi perfectly. Bringing out the Timo Mass in me. dum, tsk, tsk, tsk, dum, dum, tsk, tsk, dum, dum, tsk, dum. Ladies and gents, the after-effect of an extensive, dosage-defying usage of FruityLoops. Juicy.

Something's wrong with my Lappie. I can't online. I'm logged on but my access is disapproved by some bug maybe. So is my YM. It sucks but surprisingly I'm not irritated by it. That's something to celebrate ain't it? But celebration is for more than one individual. So I'm ruled out then. Party pooper.

One wish granted. I've placed 'pay visits to my grannies and gramps' at the top of my wishlist for this holiday. Said & done. It's reinvigorating to see them getting along fine with their lives. Even with the decade-long, unresolved 'internal' crisis that remains unspoken still lingers around somewhere between then & now, Nek Chu's now a happier granny since Uncle Rudy decided to move in with her. At least Eira can keep her busy with her antics and frantic, ballet moves. She's the only kid I know that can make ballet look like Zapin & Tap dance both at the same time. Executed with class. I'm proud of my cousin. And she's only 9. Eccentricity does flow in the family after all.

Fuzzy missed called me a few times already for the past two days. I don't tend to be the next Nostradamus but is it me or is she feeling down too? Let's hope that I'm wrong indefinitely. This holiday should be enjoyable for her. Crossing fingers now hoping that the BK treat would be realized this time around. Hehe.

Adam dropped by tonight. Never fails to hang around my crib and care-lessly uses the phone as he pleases whenever I'm back. Has had his fair share of the 'fiasco' times that we've been through during our formative years as 'alternative' upstarts. He knows it ain't over yet. He could tell. I can sense that. And he seems to be all systems-go for another ride.

I'm deprived of sleep. The idiot box's draining me.

Jolly O' Reilly

A friend of mine once said that, "You must be crazy for intentionally locking yourself up away from home for 2 months". Kind words that are truly understated . The more I am close to home, the further is myself detached from it. I am taking things real dredgy when everything's shifting in a blink of an eye. Oh, shit. I am home...

Apart from the fact that Subang's temperature is on a sudden climatic rise caused by the sudden absence of the melancholia, shady trees, nothing else is notable. It's like a nail-clipping aftermath. The nails, when left untouched will later dry and rot after awhile but they're still there. Making a steady presence reminding us of what we have left behind that has been without fail, looming against us as we keep on running away from it. As Li said it best, "......a spark embedded in the past, being overwritten gradually with the present". That brought me back to my own to feet. "Don't drink the water.." Dave Matthews chanted. But seriously, how's that possible when you're drowning?

Maybe I'm being overtly melodramatic. Maybe I'm threading the water far too dexterous this time. Maybe I was steadily plaigarised over and over again by my own thoughts. Thoughts that are forced to live by itself. Thoughts that feeds on my sanity. Maybe this is nothing at all after all. It took me almost forever to guard me away from all this self-loathing nonsense and referential banterings. Old habits die hard.

I was first greeted by Efry. He seems tangled deep in his own shit. Miserable I tell you. Keep referring to himself as sampah quite often. He's already there. The silver lining between who he is and who he's going to be. Welcome to the joint my friend, welcome to the joint. Also met Izzat who has apparently traded his drumkits for a pair of body pads and crotch guards. He's back at being a hakka-hopping Kiwi. In sports I mean. Musically, everyone's either going forward, in reverse or has called it quits. Unlike me, stuck in campus with limitations to expand my already twisted mind, seems to be running in circles. Changing language mediums and switching genres does make sense to me for a while before the novelty seems to be dissolving little by little. But that is what I am capable of churning out right now. Efry jokingly said (or was he serious?) that I'm a 'sell-out' for coming up with Ibunda Pop. That's the almost-accurate feedback. But everyone seems to be up and happy for it. Even he himself feels so by asking for a copy of Panggilan Rindu (Dan Awan Pun Menangis....) to be aired on MMU Cyberjaya's campus radio. I ain't placing high hopes on that. Tables will turn if I gave him Sniffing Scattered Charcoal Dust Pt. 1 (Anna's Key) instead. At least that's much more relevant to the on-going urban music scene right now. I lost interest in sparking a revolution in the scene since it's too saturated with bands 'trying to be great'. Not that it's an unhealthy thing but it tends to get ugly with all hands pointing and cursing at each other. No longer is music the last resort for us to turn too when everything else seems to be failing downward spiral.

Being musically literate has always been something monumental, something to ooze about. But once one starts to brag and showboat about it, then there's definitely something wrong. Predictions about this 'epidemic' striking our shores has long gone being made by our predecessors. It has always been something inevitable. But for it to 'bloom' now, no warning was issued. I'm 'infected' with it as well. Hoping for a better cure in the hands of others. The Converted as they hail it. Only shallow...

So my life has hit it's all-time low yet again. I have a mere one week. Happy hunting.

I see...

My name is You are a fully fledged homosexual, you don't even try to deny it..
Take WHAT YOUR NAME MEANS today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Oohh. I'm busted, no? Hell. This might get me in Azhar's good books. Screw them. I'm kinky.

The Good and the Worst

The Good: It's back.
The Worst: Shit. We're screwed.

"Honey, is this on?"

I fucked up my FAR test. It's not official yet but I believe my insight is to be proven correct this time. Well, can't blame anyone. Even me. I was plagiarised.

Thank's Mr. Hud for the encouraging remarks. Good 1st attempt Farhan, very well composed too. Again I reckon I was being overrated. But 7.5 out of 10 is purely something ain't it? Well, peddle to the metal for tomorrow's test. I hope I won't be a dissapointment.

Jehan texted me while FAR was on last night. A pleasant surprise indeed. And Li, work on your Malay stat! Progress is a slow process but knowing you so far, you could easily pull it off in a jiff. Hands down.

Been exchanging messages with Suet for a while now. Judging by her messages and her blog, she seems wiser than she's suppose to be at her age. Meeting up would be splendid.

Thanks to my uncanny initiative, I've successfully attempted linking the site of others from my blog. Hehe. Check this out. A band name that truly reflects us Malaysians.

Everyone's all geared up to hit the road and head home for the week long break. Not me though. The thought of it alone seems dillusional. Maybe this is a side effect of an extensive stay in campus.

Fuzzy, happy holidays and don't think about running away since I have a BK treat and chocolates to claim! My regards to Ibu and have a safe trip back home tomorrow. See ya in Subang.

I'm here to adhere that you're my fondest fear....

Being drenched in psychedelic moments like this has never been any crazier. Well, blame it on Syd Barret's Octopus. I hate squids. They suck. Literally.

Since leaving the premises of the faculty last night after the nerve-wrecking LAW test, I've been constantly hit by the same thought. How low can I go? I've been dodging everything that's being thrown at me rather than hit it back with a rusty bat. Convinced that I had carefully carved an intricate path for myself this time around, I was thrown back by that same thought and it's back to the drawing board. What went wrong? Where did I screw up? Endless
possibilities are inevitable. It's like a rash. It irritates you but it makes a good scratch.

Announcement: Album review will not be published in either
Friendster's Bulettin Board or here in suckingwhitestars this week. This is due to me experiencing writer's block and also to the fact that I am burdened with mid-term tests. Possibly, instead of a full album review, reviews for various random songs of current favorite will be posted. Date of publication will be informed

Nothing much happen academically today. BEL was replaced by the carnival launching ceremony. I've never seen so many school kids running around since leaving my secondary days. I felt old. Skipped LAW for the 1st time. We allocated ourselves a little something we claim as provisions for truancy. It's one class each before the week long break. I've used 2 out of 6.

After dinner I went to Fai's to get today's The Star. Instead of only taking the newspaper, I took Raqib as well. Very enthusiastic of him to climb all the way up to the top floor just so he could have a look at my collection of schmaltz despite that at the time of my arrival to his room, he was deep asleep in all darkness. He was quite blown away by my collection which is dominated by epitonic.com's alumnus. Not that he's a stranger to the we're-cutting-edge-we-don't-need-to-update-our-site-in-months online mecca for off-kilter stuffs, it's just that I seem to be consuming every genre there is to offer. Typical me. He also acknowledges me as one of the 'rarities' in Bote for my taste in music. Groovy.

Seriously dude, where can you find a playlist that has Jalil Hamid's "Hari Raya", Cornelius' "Point Of View", and Lemon Jelly's "Homage To Patagonia" alongside Anuar Zain's "Mungkin", Cerberus Shoal's "Nataraja" and R.U.S.H's "Chasing Tipperary"? Wicked.....

Who says you need to flash that cash and fling that bling bling to be socially 'in'? I'm still 'out' of it. I'm not complaining.

It's 5 days now. Ever since I Introduced Afiq to The Strokes' Reptilia, he's played that song to death. Even during our tutorial sessions. Mentally forcing us to pick up our instruments and learn the song 'till the novelty wears off. But apparently the short-term novelty period terminology does'nt seem to make sense to him. He's now a Reptilia Stroker. It's Hard To Explain.

I'm green with envy with Alia's and Li's page. Be damned both of you, for I shall burst in cryptic tears reaching the sweetness of death by the Obsidian Knife. Currently HTML codes and me don't go well together. It's a love-hate relationship. So much has been said yet only so little of it is true. Like killing blaring alarms with a snooze. It keeps coming back every 10 minutes or so. Where's the fun in being naive?

What?

...dan juara bagi Kuiz Perakaunan Sesi Jun-Nov 2004 adalah, Kelas AC3B.... So that pretty much sums up the whole event. Alhamdulillah, we won. But it was'nt that easy. We lost both rounds but unexpectedly triumphed for the last round. Enough to bag the hamper and trophy. My 1st memorabillia here.

Got to go. These guys are hungry. Laters.

Smicer's List.....

1. Your favorite song with the name of a city in the title/text.
At The Chimes Of A City Clock by Nick Drake. Does that count?

2. A song you've listened to repeatedly when you were depressed at some point.
Heaviest Heart by Magnet. The epitome of an eternal heartache.

3. Ever bought an entire album just for one song and disliked everything but that song?
Never. Somehow the least preferred slips in my favour by a wild chance.

4. A song whose lyrics you thought you knew in the past, but you later learned were incorrect.
Stanza by O@G. Radhi fooled me completely with this. He effortlesly crafted this pop-beauty into something euphoric. Proved that he can switch tounges effortlessly without losing his ubiquitous knack of melodic demands.

5. Your least favorite song on one of your favorite albums of all time.
Drift Away Pt. 2 by Damn Dirty Apes. How in the name of post-rock bliss does that get in there? It's very Flying Saucer Attack-ish kinda thing. Circa Distance

6. A song you like by someone you find physically unattractive/repellent.
Bunga Tanjung by Sharifah Aini. She's beauty in the inside.

7. Your favorite song that has expletives in it but not by Liz Phair.
Anything you can find in the catalogues of Dr. Das with Visionary Underground.

8. A song that sounds as if it's by someone British but isn't.
My Darling Curse by Magnet. A cowboy hat sporting Norseman who resides in Bjork's backyard and sounds like a flourishly enhanced version of the Mancunian that is Damon Gough. How multi-national can you get?

9. A song you like (possibly from your past) that took you forever to finally locate a copy of.
Harry Connick Jr,'s rendition of Silver Bells. Opted to download it instead.

10. A song that reminds you of spring but doesn't mention spring at all.
It's obvious. Flower's In The Window by Travis

11. A song that sounds to you like being happy feels.
Hehe. Terago by Sgt. Weener Arms. Lopong and Sapik's responsible for that. It evokes the kindie kid in me. Reminds me of those cheeky moments.

12. Your favorite song from a non-soundtrack compilation album.
IfWhiteAmericaToldTheTruthForADayIt'sWorldWouldFallApart by The Manic Street Preachets in Q's Essential: The Best Of Glastonbury. Period.

13. A song from your past that would be considered politically incorrect now (and possibly was then).
Negaraku, Despite all the sweet comments being thrown at us for being a harmonious nation, I believe in the contarary. Read the daily news and it's about killing/slaughter/suicide everywhere. Wake up fellow countrymen, wake up.

14. A song sung by an overweight person.
Anything by Pavarotti.

15. A song you actually like by an artist you otherwise hate.
Huh. Sessions by Linkin Park

16. A song by a band (whose members actually play instruments) that features at least 3 female members.
The ever-lovely Malibu by Hole fronted by the ever-loathed celebrity Courtney Love.

17. One of the earliest songs that you can remember listening to.
Staright Up by Paula Abdul. She retains everything form that era to this age. Including that smirk.

18. A song you've been mocked by friends for liking.
Nadia by Jeff Beck. They think it's some Bollywood shit. It's a Nithin Sawhney tune la dey! He's not any macha.

19. A really good cover version you think no one else has heard.
A classic Melt Banana tune. Picnic In Panic. Helmed by the mad geniuses that is Boustead Republic. Crazy bitches.

20. A song that cheered you up/ empowered you somehow after a breakup/tough situation.
Grace by Jeff Buckley.

21. A non-English song, preferably a foreign-language version of an English hit.
Segalanya. Taken from Mariah Carey's My All. Specially reworked for AIM '04 sung by Siti, Misha, Ning. Sarah and Liza. Brilliant.

22. A song you find incredibly sexy.
Natahniel Merriweather's Stroker Ace. Pop-debauchery at it's best.